My
wife, Jennifer, who is a devout Christian, has always been a pillar of morality
in my life. And that can be a valuable resource at times. I myself, I've never
been very religious. However, when we first started dating, it became readily
apparent if I intended on continuing the relationship, I would be expected to
attend church. After my first wife, Naomi, who was practically a liberal,
feminist, closet-lesbian, anarchist, Wiccan, I was probably feeling the need to
compensate in the other direction, to a more straight-lace, conservative, WASPy
woman. Hence Jennifer, my second wife.
Early
on in our marriage, prior to venturing out to the east coast, we decided to
attend an average-sized, about 400-500 people or so, Pentecostal church, in a
remote town in Northern California. The church appeared, for all intent and
purposes, to be very conservative. Although the women weren't made to wear
dresses or skirts, they all did all the same. And although the women weren't
made to keep their hair long, they all did all the same. For the most part,
everyone dressed very conservatively, nothing too flashy. Not a lot of makeup.
Not a lot of frills. Only a few women in the church failed to get the memo
concerning these church-wide, self-imposed restrictions, my wife among them,
and surprisingly enough the Pastor's wife also, Sister Rebekah, who I always
felt I shared a certain affinity with.
As
much as I tried to "surrender" myself to this church and its ways, it
just seemed futile after a while. Sure, I had my moments of weakness, when the
church and all its churchiness seemed to lull my sometimes sleepy mind into
believing this whole rigmarole was authentic. But in the end, my mind would
always wake up just in time to talk some sense into me. After all, the whole
thing, especially when you approached it critically, seemed a little
far-fetched.
Still,
for Jennifer's sake, I continued to attend church with her. I had to at least
try to please her in this way. It was obviously very important to her. I mean,
it's not like she, all those years ago, when we first started dating, she didn't
present herself as this sort of woman. It was quite plain. I couldn't blame her
for my own idiotic need to give her the impression I would be fine going to
church with her. Forever. And ever.
On
the bright side, as a psychiatrist, just starting a practice in Northern
California, the church provided an abundance of potential clients. It seemed
that amidst all this oppressive conservativism, there were several folks who
were just itching to get out, away from the church. Even if, all they needed
was to leave the church, there was no way the thought was going to occur to
them on their own. And for the most part, I didn't feel like telling them.
Probably, because down deep inside, I knew that they knew it, too. And I was
waiting for them to figure it out for themselves. In the mean time, their want
and desire to leave the church manifested itself in other ways like alcoholism,
wife-beating, stealing, fighting, bigotry, adultery, etc..
In
the case of Sister Rebekah, the Pastor's wife, things were a little different.
I
met Rebekah the first day we attended the church, when the pastor and her stood
by the exit to bid farewell to all the folks attending the church.
Rebekah
was somewhat tall and very beautiful. By far, she was the flashiest attendee in
the church, wearing flashier clothes and a bit more makeup than any of the
other women in the church. In addition, her dresses seemed to show slightly
more chest and leg than any of the other women in the church. But she was the
pastor's wife. And for the most part, this made her above reproach. Except of
course for the members of the church who struggled with gossiping, which was
basically 90% of the church.
Through
the years, attending the church, and seeing these folks at various church
functions, Rebekah always seemed to take a shine to me. And at times, she
showed surprising candor. This always threw me for a loops, since everyone in
the church, apart from those I saw in the office, seemed profoundly fake or
delusional or both.
At
one particular event, I believe it was a church picnic, I noticed Rebekah
standing alone, by the brush along the lake. As bored as I was, I decided I'd
approach her. After all, I had always thought we shared a certain affinity
toward each other, as two, seemingly lonesome honest people stuck in a sea of
the opposite.
So,
I started, "Hello there."
"Oh,
hello, Brother Mosely," she said, noticeably glad to see me.
"What
might you be thinking about?" I asked.
"What
does every man or woman or child apparently think about?" Then she
discreetly gestured at something out on the lake and smiled back at me.
I
followed her eyes and saw a teenage couple, out deep, with their arms around
each other. I peered a second, and smiled, realizing they weren't just
embracing but were actually fucking. Their intermittent looks of strain and
pleasure were the giveaway.
"So
sweet and so innocent," Rebekah said, marveling at the teenagers.
I
smiled and looked a little closer at Rebekah.
"What?"
she asked.
"Sweet
and innocent?" I asked.
"That's
Brother Scoll's son, Peter, and Brother Tanner's daughter, Willa. They're a
sweet couple. They've been going steady all summer. I think it's cute."
"Rebekah?"
"Yes,
Brother Mosely?"
"Forgive
my French, Rebekah, but Brother Scoll's son and Brother Tanner's daughter are
fucking right in front of you. In front of all of us. I don't know if I'd call
it sweet and innocent, but I'd call it bold."
Rebekah
peered out at them, watching for a moment. As she watched, at a certain point,
she raised a hand to her chest in shock. "Brother Mosely, you're right.
What should we do?"
I
waved it off. "Do? Nothing. They're teenagers. That's what teenagers do.
Fuck like bunnies."
"Brother
Mosely, your language."
"Sorry.
It just seemed like the appropriate terminology to describe this type of
sex."
"Premarital
sex?"
"No,
fucking. Look at them, Rebekah. They're fucking."
Rebekah
watched them for a while longer. This time biting her lips a little and
clenching her fist tight. That's when another congregation member joined us.
Rebekah didn't say a word about it.
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